Thursday, November 26, 2015

Heartbreak #1: I Love You, and It's Killing Me

That day, when i miss you.

That's me, who's looking at her phone in the middle of the night just to see when your "last seen" changed to "online" that i knew it wasn't for me.

Why should i stay?
Such a question that nobody can ever answer.

I do realize this feeling will never end. What kind of feeling? Empty. An empty-heart for a love and relationship. I know myself. I know what makes me feel like this. You.

The biggest lie you've ever made. The day that you left me. I told you how heartbreaking it was to know that you're doing fine without me. You've tried to make it never happened. You texted me like nothing ever changed but you knew it was really changed. You've made me to let you go. I'm dying. Days, weeks, months, even years, it's always been you. I used to stand against my pain. I walked alone to the road that we're walking together. I was crying every time i saw all the photos and videos that we made in some of our spare time. I remember how you really happy when i gave you a first kiss on your cheek. I smiled when you record me a video when i'm playing around with you. I never feel scared when i know you always be by my side. I've always believed that wherever i am, whenever i need you, you'll always be there. I don't even know why it end up like this. There's too much memories we've made that i can't afford to write. 
and when i'm writing this, you're calling me..
Coincidence? Nothing is a coincidence in this world. If it's meant to be, it will be. If you never think to do it, then God will never let you to do it. It's a choice. Your choice to reach me. Even i don't even know what are you thinking about. I've been denying everything in my whole life. I've been denying that i never missed you after all. I miss when i missed my missing one.

I am always be the one who love you more. That's my problem. They say, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. What i know is, i knew exactly what i have had but i just thought that i would never lose it. I never wish that i had never met you. Even if i need to impress you, i need for loving you and i have to crying over you. I let myself to get heart breaks, pains, tears and forgotten promises. I let myself to think that everything you've done to me just to make me feel absolutely nothing.
If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't LOVE.
I've ever told you how much i need you to know that i can't  forget you. But you never truly understand. You keep pushing me to leave you alone. I can't help it but totally sad. Ever since you've come into my life, you've made it beautiful. But as i see you pack your bag, i can't say anything but cry, a lot. I know that you are moving in the right direction of your life. Nothing can explain even myself that how much you mean to me. You should know even if i didn't told you.

Don't ever try to make me to hate you, and let me write all i can remember about us.
Good night, you.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Cute Deer